


Endearing

by dreamchangelive



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternative Perspective, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Civil War (Marvel), First Kiss, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Marvel Universe, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Steve Feels, The Avengers (2012) Spoilers, Tony Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-02 13:49:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20276911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamchangelive/pseuds/dreamchangelive
Summary: Steve travels to the past to visit Tony. His idea was to see him from a distance, like when they traveled together to 1970 and he saw Peggy. However, everything gets out of control, and a new journey begins for both.A story about living love.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my native language. I am sorry for the spelling and/or grammatical errors. I just had the need to write this fic and in my mind (so used to listening to Tony and Steve in English) it seemed right. Thank you for your patience. I hope you enjoy the story.

It could not be more difficult than this. He once thought that waking up in an unknown world was the most terrifying and hardest thing he had lived. Now he knew with the certainty only death gives him _ again_, that living in a world without _ him_, it would never regain its meaning. The world has returned, and his world has vanished. He needed to move on. He needed to do what he exceedingly knew best; to be strong and help the world. When the morning comes, he will be there for all of them, once more.

_ Don't do anything stupid until I come back. _

_ How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you. _

Bruce had arranged everything so he could return the stones. They discussed it earlier in the morning and even with not all of them in agreement, clearly this was the best thing to do. He was going to return the infinity stones, and he will go alone. Maybe because _ he _ was not there or maybe because it had to be done fast, planning how and which of the stones should be returned first was not much consider. He only knew he had to place each of them in its right place as soon as possible. The journey had begun.

— — — — —

The Pym particles were in front of him. And also there was a thought that invaded his brain as liquor, well, at least as he could remember before the serum. He was in Hank Pym lab again looking at the particles, and thinking what taking more of them could mean. What he could do, the possibilities… He had enough of them for all this journey, but if he could take a few more, maybe he could go to a moment where... _ No! _ Steve scolded himself. He remembered discussing during the brainstorming in the compound they should not mess with time, and even _ he _told him. So, he could not be selfish, and about all, irresponsible with an entire world to whom he claimed was going to protect.

However, _ no one had to know_, he said to himself fighting against his own instinct. If he did this, he could just go and see _ him _ for a last time and he would be very careful. Also, he already returned the stones. The mission was accomplished, then maybe this could be an opportunity, just one more time. It would not be an encounter, of course; it could be from a distance. _ A proper goodbye, the closure he needed this time. _Steve was trying to convince himself in the absurdity of the situation. 

Then, he took them. For the first time in his life, he would do this for him, not the world. Since he woke up from the ice and even before, he had only dedicated his life to others and has never thought of himself for once. This was insane there was no doubt, but he needed to see _ him_, just one last time.

— — — — —

Steve arrived in the area near the house. It was very easy to get there because he remembered in detail the road that lead to _ his _ house. The idea was to be away from the house but stay close enough in the neighborhood. He could recognize the surveillance cameras on the streets, so he would have to try to pass as unnoticed as he could. How he would do that seemed impossible now, but the thought that came into his mind about returning, last hardly a second. 

In this position he was not near any of those cameras, he said to himself. Still, the real questions took place in his head now. _ How could he know he was there? What if he went on a trip? _ And the most important one, _how would he see him? _ At least he had thought about the day, he assured himself. It had to be that day, that day when they say goodbye to each other with a disguised melancholy he now recognized.

_ ...and you're gonna miss me. There's gonna be a lot of manful tears... _

He did, so much, and he tried his best to feel so little, but he did. _Well, it is not the point_, Steve said to himself trying to focus. The truth was for being a strategist, war battle planner captain, this was starting to become the worst of his ideas. Because really, _what would he do here? Just wait around? _He knew he was being carried away by the impulses. His emotions, which for so many years were guarded and tamed, now seemed to be the owners of his actions. A good part of his neurons was lost with the lighting of Thor hammer for sure. 

After a few minutes of waiting, the remorse for what he was doing could do more than him. He needed to get out of there, at least plan this better.

He went away.

— — — — —

«Friday, how are you dear? Tell me something that can enlighten this day, I really need good news to start working.»

Tony was entering his lab with a cup of coffee in his hands. He was wondering about that idea around his head. Without a doubt, he needed to improve those bracelets, he thought. Although they worked out fine at that moment when Loki sent him flying out the tower, there should be a way to have those microchips always with him (even if that implied what he was actually thinking, and what would Pepper will do to him if she ever found out). 

«Sir, I am afraid I do not have the best of news today.» Friday interrupted his line of thoughts.

«Please do not tell me there is some of my grandchildren still messing around? Vision told us he destroyed Ultron last robot» Tony asked. 

«No Sir, there is no notification of incidents involving any of the robots, but there is an archive of yesterday records of cameras around the neighborhood you should see»

«Well let me say that is a relief...um...OK bring it up» said Tony without paying too much attention to the screen and focusing on the bracelets on his desk. On the record playing, it could be seen from a long distance a figure walking from side to side.

«Who am I looking at Friday? I could feel offended if you think my kind of fun for starting the day would be seeing the neighbors walking around the park» Tony said joking with the A.I.

«I am afraid it is not any of your neighbors Sir. It seems to be Steve Rogers, Sir»

«What did you say?» Tony said approaching the screen to see in more detail.

«I said...»

«No, I heard you the first time; amplify the image» Tony asked.

After seeing the video a few times, Tony should not say he was perplexed by what he was looking at. But despite everything they had been through, seeing an odd «Steve Rogers» walking around his neighborhood made him feel extremely uncomfortable. _ What was he looking at? Who or what was this person, who looks like Rogers, but also seems...older? How could it be possible? _ Friday confirmed him Rogers was on the compound all day yesterday, and even right now he was doing some training with the team, then _that _ could not be him. _ Loki maybe? _ He vaguely remembered seeing Loki imitating Captain that time in the tower, but why come to this place? And why only to be walking around? Honestly, this was not the news he wanted for starting the day.

— — — — — 

This was not a better plan. He would stay in the park nearby _ again, _ and then he would just wait until he sees _ him_, at least for a second, and then he would be gone. _ God, what was he saying! _ He considered himself an optimistic, persevering, maybe even a stubborn person when trying to achieve what he wanted. But _ this _ was the craziest thing he had ever done, and now he did not know how to stop. _ Way to go Steve, way to go_, he told himself. Talking about not messing with the future.

He was in a location where he could see the house. Always with a prudent distance it would be safe, he insisted in reassuring himself. It was early in the afternoon, and he saw Happy coming out the house, and that gave him some hope. Maybe _ he _ was still there, he wanted to believe. Suddenly, there it was the mechanic sound he was so used to hearing…

«I don't recall sending an invitation to Asgard for you to visit my neighborhood.»

Steve closed his eyes for a moment. Hearing _ his _ voice, alive, one more time was enough, was all he could have asked. Then the thought that also interrupted his mind about him dying right there, at the hands of the man he profoundly loved, was not such a terrible idea either. He did what he thought was best. Very, very slowly started to turn around with his hands up. When he turned completely, he could see the iron suit in front of him.

«Come on Rock of Ages, are you going to tell me why you are here?»

Steve knew he had to control his extremely fast beating heart, and the way he was trying to breath did not help in showing a peaceful and serene state. He also knew _ he _ would know. He must have scanned him already, so he tried to recover and replied with what he thought was a firm but also polite tone.

«I am not who you think» replied Steve trying to sound calm.

Of course it was obvious _ he _ would believe Steve was Loki. It was the most reasonable assessment for sure, Steve thought. Nevertheless, the crossroad was what to say and do now? He needed to think fast.

«That part can be proved» And Tony sent a blast over Steve.

Steve moved so fast one could say he already knew he was going to be hit. He tried to hide behind a bench knowing the preposterous of doing it.

«You know, your reflexes are strangely as good as the old man's, I can give you that»

«Please, I can explain» said Steve trying to put his arms up again.

«I am really curious to hear an explanation, but my real dilemma is I am not 100% sure if you have to be alive to tell it»

Steve could tell _ he _ was not talking seriously, but he needed to say something believable, _ and reasonable, _ that could convince _ him _ without at least not receiving a few more blasts. 

«Please...» And it was the last word he could say before being hit. Steve did not see where it came from this time. He only felt how his chest burned and hurt from the impact. He felt out of breath and thought for a moment he was dreaming, because the mechanic sound was near him now, and from the distance the voice could be heard, _ his _ voice, could be heard without the suit. He wanted to call him; he wanted to say _ his _name…

_...When_ _you mess with time, it tends to mess back_...

— — — — — 

Although it sounded wrong, alright, Tony was just saying it to himself without anyone around. Congratulates himself for having built a cell in his lab, now did not seem so paranoid or strange, since a "Steve Rogers / Loki" lays unconscious in it. He knew the strength of the new weapon in his suit was quite powerful, but the true Captain could have handled it. Perhaps he would have fallen, but lose consciousness? That was the piece of a puzzle it had no form for now.

«Friday, while the sleeping beauty is still in dreamland, let's run some few test I am sending you right now» Tony said to the A.I.

«Yes Sir, do you want me to keep him sedated?»

«It's intriguing, isn't it? He seems to be resting, like he needed it. But yes, keep him there until you have everything» Tony replied.

«Of course, Sir, do you want me to inform someone in the compound?»

«Mm, no. Let's keep this between us for now. I need to go with Pepper but call me as soon as he wakes up».

«I will inform you Sir».

«Thanks, dear,» and Tony locked the door.

— — — — —

Steve was starting to wake up. He felt dazed, but oddly enough his body seemed to have rested. He was lying in a bed he could not recognize and saw white walls he also didn't remember seeing before. Suddenly, he realized he did not remember anything of what had happened or where he was. He felt bewildered, but at the same time the images came back to hit him with a new flow of emotions… _ the park, the iron suit, the blast _ ... _ he was trying to say he lo_...

«Why are you here?»

_ His _ voice once more put Steve´s heart on a desperate running. He tried to get up but still felt dizzy and only managed to sit down. The fatigue of days without rest was ravaging him right now. He could not look up from the floor. He vaguely was dealing with waking up, and could not see _ him _ yet. 

«Why are you here?» _ he _ repeated.

Steve couldn't speak. He felt like his words got lost in his head when he heard the sound of _ his _voice.

«OK, you must feel confused now, but in a few minutes you will have to answer some of my questions. There is water and something to eat too.»

Steve looked around avoiding seeing _ him _and take into notice he was in a cell. There was a counter with food and water, some furniture, but yes, he seemed to be confined. He got up as best as he could and went to the counter to pour himself a glass of water. While trying not to spill it due to his shaking hands, he then realized he was thirsty and hungry. If he thought about it, he could not remember the last meal he had. _ His _ words echoed in his head again to bring him back to reality, _ why are you here? _ A question with an answer he wasn't knowing at that moment either. 

«I am not Loki» was all Steve could say while putting the glass over the counter.

«I know.»

— — — — —


	2. Chapter 2

He slowly turned around to see _him_.

_«Tony»_

Steve said his name. He broke the spell. Tony was alive, and he could say his name. He remembered him like this so clearly. Tony looked young and vital, full of energy…

«Why are you here?» Tony said this time with a firmer tone and an expression on his face Steve could not tell if it was suspicion or trepidation.

_I must tell the truth_, Steve said to himself. He knew Tony was a smart guy, and if he wasn't asking about Loki anymore, it was because he considered that useless. He had figured something out. Actually, he did not know how many hours he was passed out, so maybe that must have given him enough time. He needed to give him an honest answer.

«I came to see you» Steve replied. _God_ that sounded more desperate than he intended, Steve thought. He wanted to be sincere, but it wasn't helping if Tony quizzical stare was all he will receive in return.

Tony watched him carefully. That answer was bizarre and unexpected, he thought. When Friday told him he was starting to wake up, Tony was working in his lab thinking about the possibilities of what he was guessing could be true. Then, he went to the cell questioning himself if this should continue being his secret only. But now, this answer wasn't helping much to put his ideas or _assumptions_ in order, and he needed more data_. What should he ask next?_ The test confirmed he was Steve Rogers, at least _a_ Steve Rogers. Even when this one was older, different somehow.

«Who are you?» Tony asked. «Because yeah, the Captain theme seems borrowed, but the test result shown you are him or at least his DNA matches with yours. So the real question should be, _what_ are you? A clone SHIELD always kept in secret?»

Steve took a deep breath and unwittingly his voice came out with a tint of defeat and resignation. «I don't know how to answer your questions without fucking up everything more than I have done». He sat on the bed and covered his face with his hands. It was truly difficult to accept it at that moment, but he felt trapped in his own cage, one he had built with his fears and the desperation of longing.

OK, that's a definitive proof he was not _the_ Captain, Tony thought. _Language! _Came to his mind. «Well pal, we have all the time you need, because the good news is you have accommodation free of charge. Do you like the place?»

«The bed is comfortable to be a cell» Steve said, focusing on the bed now.

«I like to keep my prisoners at ease, not that I had one before. But it seems to be the right thing to do, you know» Tony said amused at Steve answer.

Steve could not help but smile. There they were, he had missed him so much, his jokes, his cleverness. The way they could be around each other with the pleasant feeling of their friendship…

…_.But if you put the hammer in an elevator?..._

_...It'll still go up..._

_...Elevator's not worthy…_

The good old days...That's why he chose this timeline. But now he had to figure out what should be his next move. Steve truly did not know how much he could say or do without altering the future. He would have to explain to Tony with not all the details, but enough, so he could return. Because _that_ was what he must do. Needed to do. _Wanted to do_?

Tony cleared this throat, and Steve returned from his absorption and looked at him. He was waiting.

«I am not a clone. I… am him, yes, but from the future» Steve replied tentatively.

«From the future?» Tony asked raising his eyebrows. «So, you are an older and _oh my God who was going to believe it_, rude version of the Captain? How am I going to believe that?»

«Tony, I made a mistake coming back here.» Steve found his way back to his words. He had to explain himself clearly. «I cannot tell you everything without sounding crazy, I know, but I traveled here because I wanted to see you. That is the truth, there are no deceptions, there are no hidden meanings behind my words. It is too simple, I know that too, but _you _are the only reason why I am here. And the idea was you didn't notice, nobody realized I was here. I was going to see you from a distance, but I miscalculated everything, and you saw me. Now I am here, but I should return before this gets out of control because...»

«Stop right there» said Tony sharply. «There are so many questions in my mind right now. _Jesus_! from that speech I could point out so many incoherent things, but there is just one of them I cannot truly understand and keeps bothering me. Why did _"you came to see me_"? Because if I hypothetically follow your "_I'm from the future_" game, I could think you came to do an important mission. _Maybe,» _Tony said rolling his eyes. «But then you are saying you only wanted to see _me_ from a distance? That sounds quite creepy though, so I really need you to elaborate.»

Steve took a breath and pray to a God he really did not know was there but needed so badly right now. «I cannot tell you exactly how I traveled here because you must know this better than me I should not change the future, and I am afraid neither you or anyone else _in the world_ would like that to happen. All I can say is I had an important mission to accomplish, and I did it. But after that I found myself in a position where I could do something that would only...I don't know how to say this without sounding selfish, but that would only please me. Then, I chose to come here, even when I was being irresponsible. Even when I knew I was lying to myself when I thought I could control it… God, I am not saying anything really, am I?»

Steve did not know if he could continue speaking. The echo of sadness of his own words made him feel miserable. He was starting to feel so lost, so little. Tony was looking at him with confusion in his eyes, but also there was something else, some kind of realization? He needed to say it.

«Tony» Steve fixed his gaze on his. «I came here because I needed to see you. I thought that would put an end to my torment. It would be enough to continue with my life. I truly believed seeing you once more would return the energy to my soul, and perhaps the strength my body seems to have lost. I wanted to see you _one last time_, because… because I...»

«Missed you?» Tony finished his sentence without realizing it. _What were those grieving words that were coming out of this Steve or whomever he was? _There was a profound sadness behind those words that made him shivers without really knowing why. Tony wondered where all the theories and conspiracies had gone while listening, _feeling_, the pain of this person in front of him.

«I did, with all of me» Steve replied, still looking at him.

Their eyes were locked on each other and there was a mysterious understanding of meanings. Steve knew he had crossed a line with no return, but he could not hold any longer. He came here because he wanted to end the agony. It was so terrifying to live in a world where Tony was not there, where he would miss him every day, where the regrets were growing with the minutes because he hadn't said the words that were burning his soul.

A deep silence took hold of the room now, and out of the sudden neither of them could look at the other. They were trying to understand all the implications of Steve words. They were recognizing everything that had been said and not certainly said.

«I don't know what to say» said Tony after a few minutes. He was trying to sound sympathetic, but he really was lost in his mind which was working so fast trying to comprehend what Steve had said.

«You don't have to. It's OK, it was my mistake that brought us here, and it's me who is making you carry this burden». Steve said sounding distressed.

«When did you come?» Tony said out of the sudden, his face shown both curiosity and intrigue.

«I'm not sure how much I slept, but I think yesterday» replied Steve calmly.

«Why yesterday?» Tony asked this time with a little more despair. _What was he doing? What was he asking?_ Tony was starting to feel anxious. His mind was trying to avoid a fact that was inevitable to miss and now he was asking the wrong questions.

«The compound, you said I was gonna miss you and I told you I would. It was an important moment for me» replied Steve as steadily as he could, but he could also see Tony was getting restless.

«Why?» Now his brain wanted to limit itself to monosyllables, Tony thought.

«Tony, I am going to answer all your questions the best I can, but it is important you understand I should not spend too much time in here and I should go as soon...»

_«_No_»_

Tony replied and immediately realized it sounded like a refusal. _Where did it come from?_ He just wanted to know more, to understand what was had happened to _him_ and that future where _they _were...Because those words meant that, right? His brain did not want to work anymore. _Where all the answers have gone?_...He needed to get out. He needed air.

Tony got out of the cell and stumbled down the corridor to the lab. He was having a panic attack, again! He hadn't had one in years, but this Steve and his story of grief, and pain, and lost. _His_ lost, because he was not there with _him_, because he was… _dead_.

«Sir, are you OK? Do you need me to call Miss Pepper?» Friday asked Tony when he got the lab.

«No, don't do that» said Tony between erratic breaths.

Tony felt his chest growing tight, and the blood pounded in his ears. He needed to focus, maybe use one of his masks for the lack of air. He was heading towards one of the suits when his vision began to get blurry and he felt an arm take him by the waist to hold him. _Shit, he had left the cell door open_. Tony tried to let go of him, but the body in front of him held him firmly while placing softly one hand on the back of his neck. «I'm not going to hurt you. You have to calm down and try to breathe» Tony heard him said with a calming tone and to his own surprise, he began to breathe more easily. Despite he was in a peculiar position with his head resting on his chest, he wanted to think the comfort and serenity his voice conveyed to him, came from the memory of a friend whom he did trust.

After a few minutes, Tony took a few steps back from him and went to his desk. He leaned on with his hands to both sides looking directly to those concern eyes. «I don't know why I think you are telling the truth. I know what it feels like to someone manipulates your mind. Wanda did it, and yet, with some certainty I could say I feel in my right mind. Then you, or at least the person who I know and confuse with you, talk to me about the pain of loss, my loss, _my death_... and remarkably, I believe you».

«Tony, I am extremely sorry for doing this to you» Steve said, feeling in his heart the terrible weight of what he had done.

«At least, I know it won't happen until a few years. Your gray hairs tell me». There was a smile that did not reach Tony eyes.

«It won't» Steve assured him, and he thought about the irony of those words trying to sound as good news.

There was the silence again.

— — — — —

«Were we together?» Tony said after what felt like hours of a torturing stillness.

Steve looked into his eyes, and with the familiar pain of his heart he answered honestly, «No»

Once more in Tony's features the confusion was drawn, «But it seemed…» His mind was running again through all that had been said. Then he realized he assumed the possibility without a doubt, and evidently, _he_ has not said anything that implied they were together. «Oh»

«Tony, you asked me before why I had chosen that day. It was because after battling for a long time with myself to accept it, since that day I came to realize I could feel that feeling again. It was not left in the past, in the ice. I knew when saying goodbye to you that day, my heart was also awake» Steve said heavyhearted.

«Did you ever say anything?» Tony asked with a mixed tone of despair and concern.

«No» replied Steve looking down.

«Sir, Miss Pepper is calling you, do you want me to answer the call?» Friday interrupted them, and suddenly Tony came back to reality, _Pepper_.

«Friday, um yes, please tell her I'll call her back» said Tony not knowing now how to return to _ that _ conversation.

«Of course, Sir» replied Friday.

Tony's mind wasn't working properly, he could say, because that idea was not a good idea. «I am sorry about before. I didn't mean to sound like a jailer, of course you can go whenever you want._ Nevertheless_, I think you should not go yet, just not yet» The last part sounded more pleading than he meant, but he hoped it would work.

«Tony, I don't think is a good idea. We don't know what we are creating with me staying longer» said Steve with concern.

«Well, we cannot know for sure, and we should not risk more than we already have done. But also, the damage is done, don't you think? Here you are talking to me, now I know I am going to die at some point, so goodbye my longed-for immortality. You could stay maybe one day or two, and then you could go.» Tony wanted to explain himself as if everything was very reasonable, but he knew it wasn't. He didn't understand how he trusted this Steve so fast (although if he had wanted to hurt him he would have done so already). _What were they supposed to do?_ Tony kept thinking while waiting for Steve's reply.

«I don't think so Tony» said Steve, feeling the emptiness grow in his heart. He knew it was the right thing to do.

«Please, Steve» Tony said with an intense look in his eyes.

Steve felt lost into his gaze, and without thinking nodded, «Alright»

After hearing his name from Tony lips for the first time Steve was agreeing, to what, he did not know for sure. But he could not say no to a Tony who was asking for time to share with him. After all he had done and had happened, the consolation of a few more moments shared with Tony seemed to remedy all the pain once had existed. It also seemed to invite him to feel alive again.

— — — — —


	3. Chapter 3

«Do you promise me you'll come back?» Tony asked, trying to sound confident, but in his voice a hint of apprehension could be heard.

«I will. I promise» Steve replied knowing he did not need to be convinced. He was going to follow Tony wherever he takes him.

Despite that, Steve explained him he needed to go to the hotel where he stayed the previous night. He really didn't want to distance himself from Tony, but he knew they should take a moment to think about what had happened. Steve would leave, try to rest a little, maybe eat something and in the morning he would return.

«Great, I'll arrange everything for tomorrow» said Tony with a shy smile.

They both headed to the entrance of the house where they would wait for a cab Friday had called. There, they needed to say goodbye until the next morning.

Tony held out his hand «Deal?»

Steve took it and thinking a little more to answer, or it was the simple act of extending the time of his intertwined hands, then replied «Deal.»

— — — — —

Steve arrived at the hotel. When he reached his room, he lay in bed with his eyes lost in the window. What a singular day they had lived, he thought. And yet, he could not feel in the least regretful. It was strange, but he felt relief. He knew he shouldn't think about what he was doing. It was a losing battle against reason. Tony convinced him the moment he said his name. He asked for 2 days, and frankly, Steve would have given him a lifetime if he could. He would do it, two days in which he wouldn't know what he would do. But he blindly trusted Tony, and tomorrow he would simply be there in his house early in the morning.

— — — — —

The smile on Tony's face could melt Steve wounded heart; he looked excited. They were in the garage of the house, in front of his incredible car collection.

«We will go by road better, so we do not attract much attention,» Tony began explaining him. «We will go to see the farm I talked to you, well to your other you, anyway you must remember it too. OK, I had been thinking about it and had already seen several online, but this one is exactly what I think would be the perfect one. So we will go see it. What do you think?»

_ «Maybe I should take a page out of Barton's book and build Pepper a farm, hope nobody blows it Up» _

_ «The simple life» _

_ «You'll get there one day» _

Steve couldn't help the flashback from coming to his memory. A farm for Pepper, for his life with her...«It sounds like a good plan to me», he replied.

«OK, and talking about traveling light, that's all you got?» Asked Tony seeing his small travel pack.

Steve smiled and answered him. «Actually, it was supposed to be a few days travel. So yeah, basically this is all I got»

«We have to do something about it,» Tony said with a smirk.

After a few arrangements and indications to Friday, they were ready to go. Tony went to one of his Ferrari and opened the trunk to put their bags. They both got into the car, and Tony asked Friday to locate the road in the GPS. They would have about 5 hours of travel, so that was plenty of time to talk. However, at the beginning they were both silent for a few minutes, perhaps neither of them knew what they could talk about. Feeling the discomfort of the silence, Tony spoke first.

«We don't need to talk about the future, but we can talk about things up to this present. Practically with you I have ancient history class» Tony said trying to release the tension. «What can you tell me about your old days? I think we've never talked about your past before»

Then Steve felt the relief he needed to continue. Quite naturally they started talking a bit about everything. Life in the 40s, politics, economy, war, but also about very simple things, sports, meals, the first TVs and their funny commercials, movies and their favorite artists, childhood games. Even when they did not agree on all opinions or tastes, they did agree on most of the things. It was good to know too, Steve thought. And although he will always regret that once he had misjudged him, he lived long by his side to know Tony was an admirable man, of good feelings. And not only of an intelligence that seemed immeasurable, but of a good heart. Steve could also recognize this trip was for him, he could feel inside him it was not about pity for him. Tony was doing it to make him feel better. Although after being he, the bearer of bad news, it was Tony who was putting an effort to make him feel comfortable. At least for a few days.

— — — — — 

The hours passed, and the road became short. Steve couldn't stop a shiver running through his body when the car crossed to Tony's farm entrance. The last time he was there it was one of the saddest moments of his life. Now ironically he had to go with Tony, alive, to the farm which seemed to contain a story that had not yet been told. One that was beginning to be built. Perhaps a divine sign that everything was taking its right course.

Tony stopped the car and got out. «Do you like it?» He asked enthusiastically.

«I do, it's really beautiful» Steve answered trying to sound the most natural he could. Nevertheless, Tony smart as always, noticed the restlessness of his voice although he did not say anything. 

«For now, it is only rented, of course with just one call it would be all mine. Still, it's good to try a few days to see how great the country life is» Tony explained him.

«You will like it» said Steve with a pleasing tone.

«You know best» Tony responded with a mischievous smile on his face.

_ Always one step ahead_, Steve thought. He must be careful with Tony's cleverness. He also smiled. 

Inside the house, everything was very clean and tidy. It didn't have the exact furniture of Tony's future house, which made everything less painful, and it also created a different environment. They walked through the living room, kitchen, and the backyard that had a beautiful view of the lake. Tony explained him there were some rooms on that floor, but the main rooms were on the second one. There was food in the fridge, fruit on the kitchen counter. The owners had left everything very neat for their arrival.

It really was a wonderful place to spend a few days off, Steve thought. For Tony, it must have been wonderful to live there with Pepper and _ Morgan_...

Tony must have captured his expression, since his next words sounded concerned. «You need to stop doing that. You are torturing yourself, just be here with me» he said keeping his eyes looked to his. 

«I'm sorry» said Steve feeling embarrassed for showing his feelings so easily.

«You don't have to apologize. Let's go and see the surroundings» Tony said with a warm smile.

While they continued touring the surroundings of the house, Tony told him the plans were quite simple. They could go fishing, do some hiking. And as Friday had told him, they could visit a nearby town whose fair was just starting that week.

It sounded perfect to Steve. 

— — — — — 

First, they showered and changed, then decided they were very hungry and could use a walk into the nearby town to find a place to eat. Also, soon it was going to be sunset, so little more could be done.

They set out on foot, and the town was about 30 minutes away. It truly was a small town, but everyone seemed to be on the street spirited by the fair. As they walked the streets, they hesitated for a moment if they would be recognized. However, it seemed no one was attentive to them, and their only goal was to reach the fair square. Tony suggested they went to a place where were roasting meat. The smell made Steve's stomach roar, and he realized he had not eaten a proper meal for quite some time. They entered, sat down near a window, and when the waiter came they asked for a bit of everything. When the food arrived at the table, both began to eat as if there was no tomorrow. Between bites, they kept telling the stories of their pasts and remembered anecdotes of the shared adventures. They also planned it was better going fishing in the morning, and then some hiking in the afternoon.

«We could have them for lunch… what? What are you going to do with them after we fished them?» Asked Steve laughing of the expression of disgust on Tony's face when he mentioned they could eat the fish.

«First of all, there is something called _catch & release_. It is a technique and yes, for what it says, the fish is returned to the water. On the other hand, who is going to touch them and take their... Oh, I can't even say it» said Tony making more exaggerated gestures of disgust.

After seeing him, Steve laughter was louder.

«I'll do it. I promise you won't be near any of the _entrails_ of the fishes.» Steve could not help but keep laughing.

Tony rolled his eyes to the comment.

«Tell me, have you ever cooked something?» Steve asked when he found a way to stop himself.

«I have, of course. Once I prepared an omelet for Pepper» Tony replied, sounding proud.

«Ah» was Steve response with a smirk. But then he asked with absolute curiosity, «And what did she say, did she like it?»

«She greatly appreciated the gesture, you could say» Tony told him, focusing on cutting a piece of meat.

«And?» Steve insisted now, almost unable to hide his desire to laugh again.

«OK, okay, you win. It was burned and well, she didn't eat it». Tony replied defeated.

Both began to laugh and people at the table beside cheered for them, not knowing why they laughed, but touched by their joy. The air was loaded with happiness. The world was contained in there, with both laughing and creating a new experience that would fill their memories with a new aroma.

When walking back to the house, the silence this time was very comfortable. Steve had thanked Tony for the evening, but especially for doing this for him. It had been so long since he felt so relaxed and peaceful. Steve knew he could sleep tonight as he had not done for a long time. It felt so good being there with Tony, walking under the starry sky. He felt hopeful as if everything had a meaning, a purpose, and today being there was his.

**— — — — —**

Tony was lying in his bed and his mind as usual was working a thousand miles per hour. Another Steve, a time traveler. _How was that possible?_ He didn't know it and as absurd as it seemed he believed him. The questions of how and why vanished before his presence. He could only see him. He also had to accept that for small instants, he felt overwhelmed for having that knowledge. Since leaving the cave, his battle against death seemed to be an endless contest. Now he knew she was the winner. That didn't scare him, but he did think about the world he would leave behind. He felt responsible and believed perhaps he had done little to protect it, to protect Pepper, the meaning of his world. He would take that announcement from Steve as an incentive to continue improving. Make his armor better, help the team improve theirs, give more scholarship, finance more tech projects. At least leave his contribution so the future is still there without him, but protected.

And yet, dealing with death in the future didn't seem as difficult as trying not to feel affected by Steve. _Who would believe it?_ Death has always been present in his life, in some way or another he had always dealt with it. But _ this _ knowledge, this _ recognition_, seemed to be even more dangerous than death. Steve pain convinced him, his grief, the sorrow contained in his words gave him a sense of despair that his own body could feel. The chills ran down his back and neck with the sound of Steve voice, and if he was honest with himself, the panic attack was perhaps more related with _ this _ than with the conception of his own death.

Tonight, Steve thanked him for bringing him here. The truth was he looked much better, more relaxed, he would dare to say even a little happy. Obviously, he did it to make Steve feel better, it was a desire born and raised in an instant. But he also had to accept he did it for himself as well. Tony needed to understand him. Why while smiling, Steve's eyes looked at him with adoration? Was it desire what he saw in them too? How could he inspire so much...what was that? What was that in Steve's elusive eyes when Tony turned around and could capture him looking at him. _ Why him?_ Who was that Tony, whom Steve mourned and longed for? He did not think it was himself.

_I need to stop thinking and fall asleep_. Tomorrow, early in the morning, they would go fishing. He closed his eyes and then remembered Steve's laugh during dinner. He was truly happy, you could tell. _ But what he was doing will really be enough? _He knew he couldn't do more, but he had an immense need to please him, to make the pain go away. He wanted to see that stubbornly optimistic and persevering man he admired (_even though he has never told him_). And likewise, that strange desire made an appearance again, one only at this moment he would allow himself to feel. A desire who spoke of giving life to his smile. He being responsible for his laughter, giving permission to those eyes to see him and release that caged, restricted passion he could sense. _ What was he saying? _Enough. He would call _ Pepper _and then go to sleep, as it should be. Tomorrow would be a good day, fun, he was sure.

**— — — — —**


	4. Chapter 4

****

The smell of fried eggs and bacon woke him. When Tony went to the kitchen, he saw Steve concentrated on the making of what looked like a continental breakfast.

"Did you get up early to do all this?" Tony asked jokingly.

"Not everyone takes 3 hours making an omelet Tony," Steve replied teasing him.

"I confessed that to you yesterday and you can't use it against me. It's very rude of you," Tony told him acting as if he was offended.

"Come on, have breakfast," Steve said without hiding his smile.

**— — — — —**

After breakfast, they found everything they needed to go fishing in the house. They walked to the lake where they found a boat, got on and navigated until they found a place they liked.

Steve was surprised with Tony's fishing skills, apparently sport fishing, he did it very well. But still so, they had a cooler box to take the fish, and as Steve promised only he would take care of cooking.

"Tell me about Peggy," Tony asked. "I remember knowing her when I was little. Back then I knew she was one of the founders of SHIELD. A great influence, a powerful woman, and I also remember thinking she was a very beautiful woman"

"She was," Steve replied. "I admired her very much. She was a very brave and intelligent woman." Then Steve began to laugh softly, "She was so strong that sometimes she could be scary, if I am honest. I remember once she shot me at the shield Stark was showing me, your father's shield, because she was jealous of a girl who had kissed me."

"What?," Tony was laughing too. "What a woman indeed!”

"A determined, daring, ingenious woman,” Steve said proud. “She had seen _ me_. Beyond the weak, small and sickly boy from Brooklyn, but the man who only wanted to help, prove himself, and not the…”

"Extremely hot super soldier?" Tony said mischievously.

Steve's face turned an incandescent red so fast, that even Tony was surprised with the extreme blushing.

"Mm well yes, no, well obviously the soldier. Yes, the serum." Steve suddenly felt so nervous and flushed. _ It's only Tony playing with you, as always! _He told himself.

Tony could not help that warm feeling growing in his chest. "You visit her often, right?" He said to Steve trying to change the subject.

"Yes, as many times as I could," Steve said with sadness.

"Wait a minute, how was this girl only kissing you? Weren't _ you _kissing her?" Tony couldn't help joking with him.

Steve smiled again, "Yes, sure, but it was more like an _ ambush _on her part" He tried to explain.

“_Ambush_? Since when does a girl kiss you is an _ ambush_?” Now it was Tony who laughed with all his might.

Steve joined the laughing. "In the sense... God, there is no way with you! I know you could continue playing with me all day"

"I'm sorry. I promise I'll try to behave," Tony said trying to sound innocent, but with a grin on his mouth.

**— — — — —**

In the kitchen, Steve took care of the fish. Once there was only cooking them left, Tony offered to help him. Steve did not understand how he could be so disgust of the entrails of the fishes, having seen _ the things _ they had seen. However, it was too funny to know that about Tony.

"And how am I supposed to do that?" Tony asked. Steve had said to him to peel some potatoes that were over the counter.

"Here, this is a potato peeler and here you have the washed potatoes, _ pure science_," Steve said, emphasizing as if it were obvious.

“Hey, I'm trying my best here” said Tony taking the peeler and looking at it amazed.

Steve smiled at the view and continued cooking. He really liked to cook, he thought. Although he hardly did it, he enjoyed it very much. 

"Fuck," Tony said after a couple of minutes. He had cut one of his fingers.

Steve immediately stood by his side, "You cut yourself with a potato peeler, that seems impossible," he said with a tone of surprise and concern. He looked at Tony's hand, took him by the arm and brought him to the sink. It was not a very deep cut, some alcohol and a band-aid would serve, Steve thought.

Tony couldn't help to notice how overwhelmed he felt from Steve's proximity. He could feel the heat of his body, the brush of his hands as he cleaned his wound. He realized Steve's height. _Since when was he so big and majestic? _Then Steve look up to see him, and Tony could not stop staring at him closely.

"It's nothing serious..." said Steve, and suddenly on his face could be seen how the _ wonder _ and _ hope _ were fighting a battle.

Tony had run out of words. He could only see those blue eyes, _ since when were they so blue? _He could only feel his closeness while a shiver ran through his entire body. Now those eyes were looking at him carefully, waiting, yearning. And those full lips seemed to welcome him...

Steve felt himself out of breath. Tony's intense gaze reached the depths of his soul. He couldn't recognize which of them was getting closer. There was an unspoken approval to do so. While holding Tony's hand with one of his own, his other hand wanted to touch his face. Maybe he was about to do it, maybe he had done it, then Tony's phone rang.

Tony moved extremely fast to take his phone, and he immediately answered the call without seeing who it was. At that moment, Steve let out a breath he had held for several minutes. He allowed himself to breathe again. Tony went out through the door to the front of the house, and he leaned over the kitchen counter trying to recover and understand what had happened.

**— — — — —**

"Hi, Tony"

"Hey Rhodey, buddy, how are you? What's going on in your life? Where are you?" Tony said too fast.

"Hey, are you okay? You sound out of breath. Man tell me you're exercising, right? It can't be anything else if you're not at home" Rhodey said sounding curious.

"Yes, no, but I am on a difficult assignment. You know, Avengers stuffs" Tony tried to calm down and sound convincing.

"OK, but I thought you would stop doing that. Didn't you talk about retiring or something like that? How come I don't know about it? Tell me where you are” Rhodey demand, now sounding worried.

"Well it's me, and I'm a lost cause, but thank for caring for me dear. Everything is okay, really." This time Tony spoke a little more like himself. _When he wasn't about to kiss Steve Rogers! _He reproached himself.

“But can you talk now? Do you need help?” Asked Rhodey still sounding a little hesitant.

“No, it is OK. It's not big deal, buddy. I'm all yours,” replied Tony confidently. 

That seemed to convince Rhodey, _ at least a little_, and he began to explain about some changes he needed in his War Machine suit. Frankly, Tony didn't pay much attention to Rhodey, but he tried to answer him when he asked a question and hoped, he was right with what he responded. His mind was at that moment in the kitchen. _What had happened? _He couldn't help it. He wanted to _ do it _ and if his cell phone hadn't rung, he didn't know for sure what he would be doing right now. _ Fuck! What a mess I had gotten into_.

**— — — — —**

Steve was looking in the cabinets of the house and found some bandages and alcohol. It was something to focus on. He left those on the counter and went to continue peeling the potatoes. They would eventually have to eat, so better to finish cooking, he told himself trying to focus on something else. Then his mind started wandering again. For an instant he could not believe Tony was looking at him the way he did. The desire contained in his eyes had spoken to him without words. However, he couldn't do that to Tony; he couldn't confuse him. It was his fault for coming with his afflictions and the things he said. That he needed him, missed him and _ loved _ him. No, he did not say that, maybe he implied it… _ Oh, God! _Tony was with Pepper and always would be until the end. There was nothing he could do about it, and he wasn't entitled to change it. _ I am going to apologize to him_, he thought. This was all his fault. It would not happen again, he would soon leave and...

"It was Rhodey. He needed me to help him with some improvements in his suit. I think it's something from the government, they want to change it," Tony interrupted his thoughts.

"Oh, sure, will you help him then?" Steve asked him. He knew it was a rather silly question, but he couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Yes, they could not survive without my technology for a second," Tony tried to joke. He didn't want to touch the subject of a few minutes ago. Maybe it was better to talk about something else or pretend that nothing had happened.

"I bet they can't," Steve replied smiling. "I left you alcohol and bandages there,” Steve pointed out the kit. “I think you better stop helping. It is definitely not the kind of technology you are used to," He tried to joke too.

"I must agree on it, and please don't tell anyone I cut myself with a potato peeler," Tony smiled and nodded. He took the first-aid kit and went to the living room.

Steve understood they would not talk about what had happened, and maybe it was for the best, he thought.

**— — — — —**

After a few minutes, when they sat at the table, both were more relaxed and decided to believe they could go on without talking about the _ episode _in the kitchen. They ate casually, talked about Tony's and Rhodey's suits, then had coffee and Tony proposed him they go to the town fair. Since yesterday they only had passed by, today they could visit it properly. 

Steve agreed. 

Tony knew that after that moment he had with Steve, being _ alone _with him and walk through a forest was not the right thing to do. If he was honest with himself, the thing was he needed people between him and Steve. He needed to put distance because he didn't trust himself any longer.

**— — — — —**

When they were walking along the main street of the town, Steve was struck by a beautiful building that had a sign on the front door with the words: "_Our war veteran_, _ Alfred Montagne: Poems to Love and War_". Steve pointed to Tony the sign, and they decided to come inside. It was the town hall, and they were paying tribute to a war veteran of the town who also was the author of a series of books of poems. In the main hall, there was an exhibition with some of the poems and a biography of the author.

Steve went to read about the author, while Tony walked through the exhibits. Apparently, Montagne had fought in World War II, like Steve, and when it ended he studied English philology. The veteran had published several books of poems that won acclaimed awards. This made Steve think about what he would have studied when the war ended. If he considered it closely, he had always liked to draw. _ What would that life have been like? _It was something to think about.

Tony, on the other hand, was walking through the exhibition and saw a young couple who stop in front of a painting it seemed familiar to him. He approached them to see it more closely and saw there was a poem too. He could not help hearing them discuss it. 

"I don't know how original it is, but it's nice to be inspired by someone else's art," said the young woman to her partner who was reading the poem thoughtfully. 

"It was only one stage, at the beginning of his career. He only was inspired to write poems about the paintings he liked. Let's say he was encouraged, not bad, though," the young man replied and walked away to keep seeing the exhibition.

Curiosity led him to stay there and read the poem. Unquestionably, Tony did only recognize the painting and its author, but the poem... 

** _A Kiss_ **

_ **Give me a kiss, just that, a kiss.** _

_ **A kiss that is not betrayal.** _

_ **A kiss that is not a sin.** _

_ **A kiss that is not infidelity.** _

_ **A kiss that is not love.** _

_ **A kiss.** _

_ **Just that,** _

_ **A kiss.** _

_ **Like lovers that take refuge under the shadow of a sacred mantle,** _

_ **where they are unknown to the world of unbelieving eyes and inert hearts.** _

_ **Allow the energy to be reunited and give birth to the connection that hunt us.** _

_ **May the intimacy of the instant belong to the whole, so the divinity vibrates and becomes life.** _

_ They should have gone straight to the fair! _Tony told himself, and he was sure his heartbeat could be heard in the entire building. _ Shit! _What was that supposed to be? A fucking message from a dead old man? But if he didn't even believe in ghosts! _ What the hell was he saying?! _He needed a drink, or at least take some air. He had to calm down. All of a sudden, he went out through the door without addressing Steve. And to be fair, at that precise moment, he could not see him in the face.

Steve was watching Tony for a few minutes now, he seemed to be absorbed reading one of the poems. He wanted to think Tony wouldn't realize when he looked at him while he was distracted. But the minutes shortened, and the time he had left with him was so brief, he didn't want to waste a moment. He wanted to create a collection of memories, his own mental pictures that would last him the rest of a life without him. Suddenly, he watched as Tony headed very quickly to the door. He seemed affected by something, but Steve could not understand what had happened. His first thought was to follow him, but without knowing why, he instead went to the spot where Tony was reading the poem. He stood in front of it, and thought the painting seemed familiar...

"Oh," he heard himself say after reading the poem. _A kiss_... _the connection that hunt us…_ No, don't you dare think anything, he told himself. It won't help at all, it won't make this any easy. OK, the exhibition was over for him too, better to go to the fair.

"A beer?" Steve asked Tony who was leaning against a column in the entrance. His gaze lost in his thoughts.

"I thought they didn't do anything to you," Tony replied amused.

"No, but I like the taste" Steve replied with a smile.

"OK, and it's not the fish wasn't excellent, but I think I'm hungry again," said Tony trying to sound ashamed.

"Me too," Steve laughed. “Let's go”.

**— — — — —**

They were enjoying the walk through the different stands of the fair. This was a more neutral space. Here the air was different, people's spirits were different. Everyone was cheerful, captivated, so joyful walking around and buying from the peddlers the memories of that day. There was a freedom that allow them to be jubilant, as if the world should stop because the town was united to celebrate, to be elated.

After a while, they stopped to eat and drink the desired beer.

«There are things that don't change» Steve said taking a last bite of his hot dog «These fairs are a trip to the past". 

"And you say so" Tony said, teasing him.

Steve smiled "How long have you been without coming to one?"

«I think, I had never been in one, or I honestly don't remember if I went to one when I was little» responded Tony doubting.

«Is it serious? It's too weird, you were such a spoiled child like that?» It was Steve's turn to tease.

«Well I cannot remember for sure, and yeah, I still am a spoiled child. You bet there are things will never change» Tony said with a smirk on his face.

Steve laughed «We could do something about that».

«No,» answered Tony, looking at him intrigued.

«We could ride one of the attractions» Steve said smiling.

«You know I have a flying suit, right?» said Tony pointing out. «I live on a constant roller coaster. And to tell you the truth, at first it was not easy to get used to it»

«What about _ The House of Terror? _It looks really creepy» said Steve not sounding very convinced.

«Nope,» Tony said this time rolling his eyes.

«Come on, we have to do something» Steve said pleading.

«How old are you now? 95? Yeah, you sound like a _ 95 _old man» Tony said smiling.

«OK I challenge you to a dart game, and if I win, we ride the attraction over there. If you win, we do whatever you want» Steve said, offering him a deal.

_ Whatever you want _... the words echoed in Tony's head. And for a second, his eyes must have said something to Steve, because he blushed and looked down. Absolutely not a good deal if he won, he told himself.

«OK, but if I win, you'll have to tell me how you went from the _ Language!_ guy to this extremely relaxed, and by the way, cool guy» Tony said smiling.

«That's easy» said Steve smiling back.

— — — — —

It was a lot of fun, Steve thought. He had won the dart game, and Tony had no choice but to ride the attraction with him. That was good, because he really did not know how to answer Tony's question about him changing with time. And so, the hours passed, and they went home quite exhausted. They had done a lot of things in just one day.

Tony opened the front door, and when they were in the living room of the house, they stopped in front of each other. Both knew Tony had to leave early in the morning, so it was better to say goodbye at once.

"I hope you liked spending these 2 days here," Tony said with a little restlessness.

"It has been wonderful, Tony. I have loved to share these days with you. I don't know how to thank you," Steve said, trying to express not only how grateful, but how delighted and complete he could feel for having lived these 2 days exclusively with him.

"Tomorrow I will leave early," Tony told him and felt like something inside him was breaking.

"I know," Steve replied.

Both stared into each other's eyes and could feel the grief that caused this farewell.

"I'd like to see you again," Tony confessed. "I don't know when or where but I would like to see you again."

"Tony, even when out there I still am that _ emotional clumsy _and stubborn man, who has just emerged from the ice. There, in that heart, is already contained all the greatness of what I feel for you. You must know that, always," Steve replied trying to give voice to his feelings for the first time.

Tony ended the short distance between them. With all the strength contained not only in those days, but since he had met him. He moved towards Steve placing his hands on his neck and began to kiss him. First he had only pressed his lips against his. But when Steve's hands immediately took him by the waist to bring him closer, it was all the permission he needed for his lips to start moving. Steve's moan echoed in his ears as Tony laced his fingers in his hair to pull him closer. Tony's tongue demanded entrance and their lips sealed in a desperate, hungry, longing kiss that left them breathless. A kiss from which they could not apart. They were taking each other desires and wants, their tongues were now playing in a fire ritual and Tony felt lost. But that was not enough, he wanted closeness. He wanted to merge with him.

Steve picked him up and pushes him against the wall. A war to possess the kiss had begun, and Tony felt a strange sensation ran through his body. As if it wanted to pierce his soul, as if time could stop. Then, he turned his lips away for a moment to take some air, and Steve took the opportunity to kiss his neck. Tony could feel the warmth of his breath, his wet lips ran over his skin...

"_Steve,_" accompanied by a groan, came out from Tony's lips when Steve licked his neck. 

That made Steve almost bite him, trying to avoid the involuntary movement of his own hips. Steve wanted to caress every sensation, every part of Tony's body, to get drunk on him until he felt whole. Then another kiss, more exploratory and provocative, one that appropriated of Tony lips as if they were his. He tasted them, caressed them and even with small bites his mouth made his shiver. Tony had wrapped his legs around him as if bringing him closer was his only purpose. Their hands went over every part of their bodies they could reach. Steve was carried away by the sensations and felt like something burst inside his chest.

Tony could feel Steve's lips move to the same beat now, as their desperate caresses sought the same longing. Then he felt the bulge in Steve's pants that seemed to compete in despair with his. And while Steve was giving him all the passion he had seen in those eyes. Tony succumbed to the moment and moved his hips so Steve could feel he longed for him as much as he did. This time, Steve's moan was even more intense and painful, as if he couldn't stand another minute of that agony. 

Suddenly, Tony broke the kiss. And without putting distance between them, he looked at those reddened lips that tried to let the air in, and then stared into those eyes whose blue was lost because they were possessed by hunger. "I can't do this," he said breathlessly.

Steve rested his forehead with his and answered with a sigh, "I know."

Very slowly Steve began to break away from Tony. However, to his surprise, Tony clung to him. His hands, one that held Steve hair and the other rested on his neck, squeezed him tightly as if they were magnets that could not let go of him. Steve understood only the words had come out of his mouth, but he did not have enough strength to separate himself at all.

"_Tony," _he said with a sigh and looked at him with all the tenderness he could. Steve needed to make him feel he understood, that this even made him love him more, but he would have the strength for both. "You will be very happy. _ Love _ will always be present in your life. It will come from many people and always, until the end of the days, from _ me._"

Steve kissed him, but this time was a tender kiss that gently touched his lips. A chaste kiss that was recognizing his breath, tasting this breath. A sweet and calm kiss that stole a little time from the world to travel every millimetre of his mouth. _ A kiss, _ that tasted like a sweet farewell. 

And Tony could let go.

Then Steve turned around and went to his room. He couldn't look back.

For his part, Tony watched as Steve climbed the stairs to his room. His life had changed the day Steve Rogers had appeared in it. He had known it for a long time although now he accepted it. Steve's footsteps as he walked away from him resonated in the silence. Tony could feel them as hurtful stabs his heart received. He couldn't follow him. He should let him go. Now he understood Wanda's vision, why Steve was the closest person to appear in it. The one who asked him to do more, to save them, to save _ him_.

— — — — —

The next morning, Tony woke up early and left the house at dawn. He didn't say goodbye. They both knew it was too painful. It seemed they had lived a lifetime by spending a weekend together. 

While the engine of his car started, Tony returned to his life. Inside the house, a Steve Rogers from the future leaned on the back of the front door while tears invaded his face. His only companions at that moment, were lost in its short way.

— — — — —

_...Then my hands want to hide in your hair, slowly stroke the depth of your hair while we kiss with mouths full of flowers or fish, of living movements, of dark fragrance. And if we bite each other, the pain is sweet, and if we drown in a short and terrible surge of breath, that instant death is beauty..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Painting: René Magritte. The Lovers. Paris, 1928. (The poem is my humble inspiration).
> 
> At the end, it is an extract of Julio Cortazar beautiful writing (Argentine novelist):
> 
> “You look at me, you look at me closely, each time closer and then we play cyclops, we look at each other closer each time and our eyes grow, they grow closer, they overlap and the cyclops look at each other, breathing confusion, their mouths find each other and fight warmly, biting with their lips, resting their tongues lightly on their teeth, playing in their caverns where the heavy air comes and goes with the scent of an old perfume and silence. Then my hands want to hide in your hair, slowly stroke the depth of your hair while we kiss with mouths full of flowers or fish, of living movements, of dark fragrance. And if we bite each other, the pain is sweet, and if we drown in a short and terrible surge of breath, that instant death is beauty. And there is a single saliva and a single flavour of ripe fruit, and I can feel you shiver against me like a moon on the water.”
> 
> ― Julio Cortazar


	5. Chapter 5

_ November 14, 1954. _

Steve really didn't know with certainty why he had chosen that timeline, but he was in Cambodia, in a monastery where war refugees received helped. A year had passed since his encounter with Tony. Now he was in the past again, helping the most in need, as always. It was his story. It really made sense in his life. Being there for others, to break the chain of injustices and protect those who could not do it by themselves. When he said goodbye to Bucky, they both knew he wasn't coming back. There he was working to help people who had no home or family left. However, the atmosphere you could breathe in that place was so peaceful, that did not match with the untold stories of pain Steve knew would have existed behind those eyes.

He was at his break time, sitting in a courtyard that everyone shared at lunchtime. In the center, it was a beautiful fountain with small lotuses. It was his favorite place to rest. From there, he could see the Buddhist monks who were on charge of helping and those who, at the time when he arrived, gave him shelter in that beautiful land.

One of the wars, at least one of the endless wars these Asian countries had, was over. After this year there in Cambodia, he had realized religion had made a difference in the resolution for peace. Buddhism, a religion unknown to him, had acted as a symbol of union of the people before a common cause. The freedom of their traditional values. It had been a great discovery for Steve to understand that something so unique, which seemed so simple, could create so much. No super soldiers or serums were needed. Only the brave, selfless and persevering behavior of those monks as resistance leaders helped to achieve change. He had learned a lot. The world was wonderful, each and every person in it came to create a story we all told together.

"Always lost in your thoughts, Mr. Rogers," said Somnang, one of the older monks who approached him.

"I know, but this time it was just a nice reflection. I promise you," Steve said with a smile.

Somnang nodded and asked, "Tomorrow we will have an offering of flowers. Will you come?"

"Sure. I think I had promised Khean I would help, and we already know what would happen if I don't," Steve said grinning.

"He is too young, he will get there," Somnang tried to sound convincing. "Someday, I pray," he ended up saying with doubt.

Steve smiled, and they both went inside the monastery.

— — — — —

_ They had won! They had finally won! What had happened?, he wondered. How had they done it? Thanos's army was disappearing. Thanos seemed lost as he looked around. Who had used the glove? Danvers?... _

_ No... please, no. _

_ Tony, why did you do it? _

_ Please don't die, please don't die. _

_ Please... _

_ Tony... _

Steve woke up sweating and breathing desperately. The nightmare had made an appearance one more night. It seemed like the weekend lived with Tony in the farm was no real. Only his death repeated again and again in his memories. _ Why would he do this to himself? _He shouldn't torture himself, he thought. Soon after, he began to meditate as the monks had taught him, and so he was able to give his troubled heart a bit of calm. After a couple of hours, he managed to fall asleep again.

— — — — —

The next day, the flower ceremony was beautiful. Steve really loved that place. The monks explained him the ceremony gives you the opportunity to give thanks, to ask for forgiveness or to seek help with finding health and happiness. Without any doubt, living there brought him an inner peace he didn't think he had known before. _Except for a few nights_, he told himself.

"You look tired," Somnang told him, as they walked the patients' beds for a last time to wrap their bed sheets before returning to their bedrooms.

"Nightmares, again," Steve said embarrassed.

"Are you meditating every night?" Somnang asked.

"Yes, I do, but it seems they are stronger than me," Steve said now sounding defeated.

"Let's go outside. Let's walk for a while," Somnang said, nodding towards the door.

They left the monastery and went for a walk to a nearby garden. It was a beautiful night, and the path was full of trees whose leaves had surrendered to the persevering autumn. Somnang pointed him some stones near a small stream.

"Dreams, only dreams are," Somnang told him as they sat down.

Steve smiled, "But how can I avoid them?" he asked hopefully.

"It's not the dream which bothers you, it's the root," Somnang pointed out.

"I am a failure in love, master," Steve said sadly.

"Mr. Rogers," he said with a warm smile. "Let me explain something to you," he looked towards the stream.

“_Love is not a battle with yourself. Love conquers, but not the other one, love conquers its manifestation. A crusade over love is an expedition worthwhile because you are seeking its realization. When that becomes your _ _ true__, you are being everything. You are connecting with every essence of the universe. Love always happens and every time it manifests, it is worthy to walk the road because we learn the infinite paths of its expression. So, it has value to live it, to fight for it, you cannot be coward towards love. _

_ In a world of living through experiences, the most magical, the best orchestrated, the fundamentally beautiful, the one that creates wonderfulness. Is the conquest of the manifestation of love. You have to live it, only you, in your heart. Let it connect with everything. Give yourself the miracle opportunity to become the love you have always been seeking_.”

Those words touched Steve soul, and he thought that even when his mind could not quite comprehend the meaning, he knew his heart did. 

Somnang put his hand on his shoulder and squeeze him. "You must wake up," he said in his soft voice.

— — — — —

Steve took the watch with the GPS and set the date. One month after Siberia.

A few seconds later, he was inside Tony's lab once more.

"Friday, where is Tony?" Steve asked.

"Mr. Rogers, nice to see you again. Mr. Stark is in the kitchen at moment, Sir. Would you like me to let him know you are here?" Friday asked sounding too clever, Steve thought. Even she seemed to know perhaps he would not be welcome.

"Is he alone?" Steve asked knowing what it meant to climb the stairs and someone else was there.

“Yes, Mr. Rogers, he is alone,” replied Friday.

Steve climbed the stairs to the kitchen as fast as he could. When he entered, he saw Tony standing at the front of the counter with an absent look but aimed at the empty glass in his hands. A closed whiskey bottle accompanied the view. After the reflection of his entrance, Tony looked up.

"What are you doing here?," Tony asked between his teeth. A contained fury was drawn in his eyes.

Steve's heart was beating in despair, but he had come to do something he should have done a long time ago.

"I came to apologize and," Steve replied in a calm tone, but Tony interrupted him.

"Apologize?!" Tony laughed sarcastically. "Why would you come to apologize for? Let me guess! Because your dear friend killed my parents and you hadn't said anything to me? Because Rhodey got hurt by our meaningless fight? Because it was not enough _ apology _with a letter and run away?," Tony began to speak much louder with each question.

"Tony, please..." Steve didn't know how to calm him down, and Tony's fury was increasing with every second.

"Oh no, wait a second. Or is it because he was the reason why it was easy for you not to be with me?," Tony asked bitterly. "No! Even better! Is it your conscience?! Which does not support having made me bear the knowledge of my own death!" he finished saying out of breath.

Tony's eyes showed all the pain and hurt Steve had seen that day in Siberia, but now also a tremendous anger that caused cold chills run through his veins.

"I was afraid,” Steve said with an aching voice. “I was so scared of losing you, I did not dare to tell you about your parents. And I fooled myself thinking it was the best for you, when obviously it was only for me. I was so selfish, and I am deeply sorry for all the pain I caused you." Steve took a deep breath while his eyes kept looking at Tony intensively. "At that moment Bucky was the only person from my past, and I thought he was the only one who I could really have by my side. With Bucky back, to find my best friend again, it meant to find myself again. Because I believed with the past back I could start living again. Another lie to myself to be able to live in a world where I could not fit in, did not understand, but felt I could finally return if I was with him." Steve paused for a moment and watched Tony's airy eyes give in just a little at his words.

"And no, Bucky could never be a reason not to be with you. If there is only one guilty here it's me, for being a _coward towards_ _love_. And even if this does not change a future that will continue its course as it should be. Today, I came to apologize, Tony. But above all things I came to tell you... _I love you. _That foolish man who is hidden out there _loves you._" Steve approached a few steps. "_I will love you _with my whole being every day for the rest of my life."

Tony wanted to stay angry. He needed to stay furious, but there it was Steve voice that worked as a soothing balm for his heart._ Why his words could always resonate with him? _Tony didn't want to understand him. He didn't want to comprehend him. _What the hell was he doing there torturing him with his presence ag__ain?_ Steve_..._Tony couldn't stop staring at him. _ I love you_, the words echoed in Tony's heart. _I will love you_...

Tony couldn't stand this anymore, he took the glass in front of him and pressed it so hard to smash it against the wall, but instead he only managed to break it into his hands.

Steve watched as Tony took the glass, and for a moment thought it would come in his direction. When he saw the glass broke in Tony's hands, he ran to his side.

"Don't you dare to touch me," Tony said sourly.

"Tony, are you alright? Let me check, please," Steve said trying to get close again.

"No," Tony replied flatly as he pulled a piece of the glass from his hand.

Steve decided if Tony hit him he would deserve it. But seeing the blood ran through his hands, he immediately took a towel from the kitchen, approached Tony and took his hand to cover it. "We need to check your hand properly," he said with concern. Surprisingly, Tony hadn't hit him and even let him approach.

"I'm fine, it was just a little piece I already withdrew," Tony said without looking him in the eyes, but with a calmer tone now. "There's no way I won't end up hurt when I'm with you, right?" He then said with resignation.

"I've just wanted to love you and apparently I haven't known how to do it," Steve told him with anguish in his voice.

Tony looked into Steve eyes and this time all the anger was gone. "Why me?," he asked staring at him with apprehension.

"Tony, I could list all the exceptional qualities that make you an extraordinary man and yet, it would not be enough. It's just because it is you, all of _you_, I feel this connection." Steve noticed how the words flowed easily from his mouth. It was as if a fountain had opened forever and he now could flow with it.

Tony could feel that connection too. _ He loved him too_, but he didn't know how to tell him. He just stared at Steve hoping he could convey everything he felt. He missed him, this Steve who was the same Steve whom he also desperately loved.

"Steve," Tony said with the intention of explaining himself, but the words were stuck in his throat. "Steve, I need you," he heard himself said pleadingly.

Steve was kissing him fervently. As one who understood what had not been said but could breathe it in the air. Tony hugged him with all his might, his heart pounding with a joy he could recognize. A part of him belonged to Steve, Tony thought. He had to give the world what he felt.

Tony was in his arms again. The world was vibrating again because their lips had joined once more. Steve had seen it in his eyes. He had recognized the feeling even though Tony hadn't been able to say it out loud. He felt it in his body and his soul. Tony eyes confessed it to his heart, and Steve came back to life. This time, the caresses savored the longing that had been separated for eternity. Their lips kissed telling each other they loved each other, wanted each other, missed each other. Like a Déjà vu, Steve took him back in his arms to lift him over the counter. And Tony, as if following the script of a story they already knew, locked him back in his legs.

"I missed you," Tony said breaking the kiss as his eyes looked at Steve with lust. "Stay with me," he said with a short breath.

"I will," Steve replied and kissed him again. His tongue did not ask permission this time and threw itself into Tony's mouth with despair. Tony's moan was hidden under the kiss. He rested his hands over Steve's pants to bring him closer so he could feel how much he needed him.

_ Déjà vu_. Steve's throaty groan when he felt Tony against him, could be heard in the entire house. This seemed to indicate to Tony's hands they could travel all over Steve body. Then Steve felt his hands rest on his bulge, and he couldn't help his hips moving forward to have more contact.

"_Steve_," now Tony licked his neck while his hands sought the closure of Steve pants. "_I want you to fuck me_," he sighed in his ear in a rough voice.

"_God, Tony,_" was all Steve could say when he heard him. It was too much. It was more than he had asked. When Steve turned to see Tony to his face, he saw that mischievous smile on his lips, and he knew he was completely lost. Tony had caught him again.

However, Steve thought he would not make it so easy. When they started kissing again, he remembered Tony had wrapped his cut hand only with the towel. So he broke the kiss and took Tony hands that kept trying to open his pants without success. "Be careful, let me help you," Steve said between breaths, pulling Tony's hands away from his pants and kissing him back. But then Steve moved very fast and opened Tony's pants instead, reaching with his hand along the length of his member.

"Shit," said Tony with a sharp breath when he felt Steve's hands on him.

"_Language_," Steve sighed in his ear.

"That's cheating," Tony said gasping for air while leaning his head on Steve's neck overwhelmed with his caresses. "Fuck, stop," he said after just a few seconds, and with both of his hands he took Steve by the neck to face him. "Back to the _ language _guy, hum?," Tony said with a smirk.

"Do you prefer the _ cool guy _?," Steve asked raising his eyebrow with a teasing smile.

"I like them both to the same extent," Tony replied, wanting to joke, but his words were loaded with feeling.

Steve looked at him closely and hoped Tony knew he understood. He smiled, and Tony returned the same adoration Steve hoped he had given him with his gaze. They started kissing again.

"Tony?" There was a voice heard in the distance. "_Steve_?"

Both stopped when they heard their names. They looked at each other, and their short breaths were just a hint of what the position of their bodies clearly showed.

Tony was the first to turn, and Steve followed.

Pepper looked at them in amazement, in her face was reflected the bewilderment at the scene she was watching.

"I better go," Pepper said and turned around.

Steve turned away from Tony trying to fix his clothes. "You must follow her. We both know you must," he said without looking at Tony to his eyes.

"Please, Steve," Tony tried to say but Steve interrupted him.

"I must go. I must go, Tony," Steve said with a tight in his throat. When he lifted his face to look at him, Tony's eyes gleamed with tears held back.

Tony watched as Steve took something from his pockets. "Please," he repeated. But even he didn't know what he was asking.

Steve stepped away and stared into his eyes, "I love you." He turned on the GPS and disappeared from Tony's kitchen.

— — — — —


	6. Chapter 6

_ Kathmandu December 31, 1961. _

_New Year's Eve._

"Will any of the gentlemen deign to take me out to dance?" Chandra asked the men sitting at the bar.

"We are very tired, for the first time in 6 months we can have a beer quietly. Give us 2 minutes and _ he _will dance with you," Vishen said smiling and pointing at Steve.

Everyone laughed.

"I'll dance with you now," Steve said smiling.

"Wait a second, if it's you who will dance with me, I need to play a slower one," Chandra told him with a teasing smirk.

Steve's smile widened.

Chandra went to the record player of the bar and changed the song that was playing. Then she approached Steve, took him by the hand and led him to the dancing floor. They started dancing.

_ Night and day you are the one _

_ Only you beneath the moon and under the sun _

_ Whether near to me or far _

_ It's no matter, darling, where you are _

_ I think of you _

_ Night and day _

_ Day and night _

_ Why is it so _

_ That this longing for you follows wherever I go _

_ In the roaring traffic's boom _

_ In the silence of my lonely room _

_ I think of you _

_ Night and day. _

"Come on Steve, stay with me," Chandra said, taking Steve by the chin to look at her.

"I am," Steve said with a soft smile.

"No, you're out there where you always go in your memories," Chandra said stroking his cheeks.

Steve bowed to her touch and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry, sometimes I can't help it," Steve confessed, then looked at her in the eyes.

"I know, Love," said Chandra, leaning on Steve's chest.

_ Night and day under the hide of me _

_ There's an Oh, such a hungry yearning _

_ Burning inside of me _

_ And it's torment won't be through _

_ 'Till you let me spend my life making love to you _

_ Day and night _

_ Night and day _

On the street some cheers were heard, and fireworks began to sound.

"Happy new year, my dreamer," Chandra said looking Steve in the eyes.

"Happy new year," Steve replied, bending down to kiss her.

The music of the record player stopped, and a dance melody began to play.

"Stop now, you lovebirds," Vishen said, looking at Steve and Chandra and rolling his eyes. "Happy New Year everyone! It's time to celebrate! Now we are all going to dance!" He then said speaking to the whole bar.

A general cheering was heard, and everyone began to give each other hugs and kisses celebrating the new year.

"Happy new year dear friends," Vishen approached where Steve and Chandra were and hugged each one. "For you, for good work and for love," he said raising his beer.

"Happy new year, dear," Chandra replied. "Now it's me who needs a beer. We can't toast empty-handed," she said smiling.

"Happy new year, my friend," Steve said. "I'm going for the beers," he added winking at Chandra.

Steve headed to the bar counter saying happy new year to everyone he met as he passed the tables. When he arrived at the place where his companions were, he hugged them and wished for a prosperous new year too. Then, he went to the bartender and ordered 2 beers. _Tony_. Steve could not help the memory of him to come back to his mind. One more year since the last time he saw him. Steve had returned to Cambodia, but then one thing had led to another, and now he was working as a nurse in a hospital in Kathmandu. _ Who would say his world would change this much?_

"Here enjoy. Happy new year!" the bartender said to Steve interrupting his thoughts.

"Thanks, happy new year," Steve replied smiling, and he went to Chandra and Vishen who had approached the place where the rest was gathered.

"A toast so we get to tomorrow's shift without a hangover!" Vishen exclaimed.

"As you go, my friend, I don't think so," Sourav said laughing.

"Don't count on me to do Vishen's turn," said Kiran, whose voice was already half drunk.

Everyone laughed.

— — — — —

_ "You were letting me win," Tony told him. _

_ "No, of course not," Steve replied trying to sound serious. _

_ "You and your super soldier reflexes were letting me win. Why did you regret it? Are you afraid to tell me how you got corrupted and became a bad boy?" Tony replied with his mischievous smile. _

_ "I could never be a bad boy!" Steve exclaimed laughing. _

_ "Yeah sure, that's what you say to yourself before bed," Tony said with a smirk. _

_ "Let's get in there," Steve pointed out the House of Terror. _

_ "You said ride an attraction, not the damn house of whatever," Tony said in exasperation. _

_ "It really looks scary!" Steve insisted smiling. _

_ "OK, at least there I am not going to be sick after those hot dogs," Tony said resignedly, heading to the place. _

_ They went inside the house. _

_ "OK, that skeleton doesn't get paid enough," Tony said as they walked and found a guy who without much enthusiasm released a “Boo” _

_ "Poor boy, he must have all day here," Steve said laughing. _

_ "Where are you going?" Tony asked annoyed. _

_ "There. It says we should go that direction," Steve said pointing a hallway. _

_ "This place is a nightmare," Tony said out loud _ _while following him._

_ "It's funny," Steve insisted smiling. _

_ "No, it not and the smile on your face is starting to bother me too much," Tony said staring into his eyes. _

_ "Hey, I don't laugh at you. I'm laughing with you," Steve replied trying to stop. _

_ "Steve, don't make me take that silly smile off your face," Tony said in a threatening tone. _

_ "I'm sorry. I'll stop," Steve said while still smiling. _

_ "You'll feel sorry now," Tony said going towards Steve. _

_ "Tony," Steve said surprised as Tony approached him. _

_ Tony push him to the wall and started kissing him in the middle of the dark hallway of the attraction. It wasn't a shy kiss that asked permission, if not a hungry kiss that possessed Steve's lips desperately. He could do nothing more than respond with the same intensity. _

_ "Are you going to stop now?", Tony asked pulling away a little to look at him in the eyes. _

_ "No," Steve replied smiling once more. _

_ Tony took hold of his lips again and his tongue was playing with _ _ Steve's _ _ in a dance of pure lust. After a few minutes, Tony took _ _ Steve's _ _ hand to put it into his own pants. _

_ "Touch me bad boy. Come on, touch me," said Tony in a rough voice. _

_ "Fuck, Tony," Steve said with a cry out that had nothing to do with the fear that place could provide. _

_ "This will scare the hell out of many, _ _ don't _ _ you think?" Tony whispered in his ear as he now introduced his hands into Steve's pants, took his member and slowly descended with his hands to torture him. _

_ "Tony," Steve could only repeat his name and felt his body melt at Tony's touch. Steve's hands also moved to please him, and Tony looked at him with such hunger while his open lips moaned again and again. Steve needed to kiss those lips again, he needed to breathe that air. He took him by the neck and pulled him closer to start kissing him. _

_ Dust, his hands began to fill with dust. What was happening? Tony? Why was he starting to disappear? Tony was disintegrating, his face was beginning to disappear. Dust, in Steve body, in his hands, on his lips, everything was dust. _

Steve woke up.

"Love, are you okay?" Chandra asked getting up on the bed and putting a hand on his chest.

Steve was staring at the ceiling while breathing hardly. Sweat ran down his face.

"I'm fine. It was just a nightmare," Steve replied as he sat on the bed.

"OK, it's over," said Chandra sitting up too, and placing her head on Steve's shoulder while hugging him.

Steve closed his eyes resting his head on the back of the bed.

"Do you want me to make you some tea or something? Something to relax?" Chandra asked.

"No, it's fine like this. Just stay by my side," Steve replied.

"You are here with me. Everything is fine," Chandra said touching his face.

"I know," Steve said and kissed her forehead.

"Maybe I could help you relax in a different way," Chandra said, moving her hand to touch him. "Love, are you sure you were having a nightmare?" Chandra replied jokingly.

Steve pulled her hand away and got out of the room.

— — — — —

"I was just kidding," Chandra said to his back. She had followed Steve to the kitchen.

Steve was drinking a glass of water. "I know, I'm sorry. I can't…" he said without turning. He could not look at her face now.

"Did you dream about him?" Chandra asked very quietly.

Steve closed his eyes and leaned against the sink holding himself with his hands. The images of Tony disappearing into his arms returned to his mind.

"Yes," Steve replied regretfully.

"It's okay, Love," Chandra said, approaching and hugging him from behind. "I just wanted to make you feel better. You know I understand."

Steve took her hands caressing them. "I don't know how you can understand me. It seems unfair I can say these things."

"Look at me," Chandra told him.

Steve turned around and looked at her with sadness in his eyes.

"You know I love you, don't you?" Chandra told him, looking at him with loving eyes. "I love your whole being. Who you are, who you were. I love you completely."

Steve stared at her, took her face and kissed her gently.

"I just want you to know,” Chandra began to say. “Even when in my heart I know our days are numbered, that one day you will leave my side. I want to enjoy every second I have with you. Both, the good times and the bad times," Chandra said looking at him tenderly.

"Chandra, I won't go anywhere," Steve told her, trying to assure her he had no reason to get away from her.

"My dreamer," Chandra said stroking his face. "You will, and it will be fine." She kissed him very sweetly and took him by the hand. "Now we go to bed, you need to rest. Tomorrow we will have a long shift,"

Steve couldn't say anything and just followed her.

  
— — — — —

Steve was in the hospital cafeteria waiting for Vishen for lunch. They would have an hour rest and should return afterwards. This gave him time to think. It had been so long since he had a nightmare. Sometimes he dreamed of Tony, but since Cambodia he didn't have a nightmare like that. He thought he had overcome it, but apparently, he hadn't. Steve was ashamed Chandra could understand and accept him the way she did. She was an amazing woman. They had met in the last year of the nursing career and her brave spirit and compassion, captivated his heart. One day in the monastery he realized he could do more for those in need. He could help each one directly when he helped them heal their bodies. So studying nursing seemed the right option. After meeting Chandra and the friends he now had, Steve was almost completely sure he had made the right choice. Only sometimes the memory of Tony made him lose himself in his thoughts, but he knew he was happy.

"It's so difficult, my friend. I tell you, you're lucky with Chandra. She's a free spirit, but it's really complicated to have a relationship with a girl now." Vishen came to his side speaking very loudly.

"But what about Vandana? A few moments ago, I saw you happy with her," Steve asked smiling.

"No, no, she wants to get married, and no, no. I'm a free spirit too," said Vishen scared.

Steve laughed, "She is a beautiful girl..."

"Steve Rogers," a thick voice was heard behind them interrupting Steve.

"Yes?" Steve turned and was shocked at the vision in front of his eyes. Stephen Strange was in front of him. He was dressed very formally, like that day of the funeral of...

"Mr. Rogers, I need to talk to you. Alone," Strange told him.

"Do you know this man?" Vishen asked worried at the consternation in Steve's eyes.

For an instant, Steve forgot how to speak and could only stare at Strange.

"Steve, my friend, are you alright?" Vishen asked, touching him on the shoulder.

Steve came out of his amazement and was able to answer all the questions. "Yes, of course," he said, answering Strange first and then turning to Vishen. "Yes, I know him. He is an acquaintance of my land. I would need to talk to him for a second. Please, could you cover me for a moment?"

"Are you sure?" Vishen asked again, still worried.

"Yes, I'm fine. I was just astonished to see him since so long. Strange, I introduce you to my friend Vishen; Vishen this is Dr. Strange," Steve said.

"Doctor? Oh, nice to meet you!" That seemed to calm Vishen's restlessness a little.

"Nice to meet you," Strange said shaking his hand. "Can we go somewhere else?" he said, addressing Steve.

"Yes, we can go to a place just around the corner" Steve got up and pointed Strange the door.

— — — — —

Steve took Strange to a park next to the hospital and when they entered, Strange indicated him to both sit on a bench.

"I need you to do something for me, or maybe rather for him," Strange said solemnly with his eyes seeing the people passing by.

Steve knew he was talking about Tony, but he couldn't understand how he could help him if he was...

"How did you know where I was?" Steve knew it wasn't the right question, but he felt he didn't have the strength to talk about Tony.

"Although you went to the past and had those two encounters with him, everything has run its course. It seems the story was not altered or rather acquired another meaning. But the end remains the same," the last words of Strange sounded with sadness.

Steve knew what he meant, but his voice was lost again. He didn't know what to say now.

"His sacrifice will mark our history, allowing for one to be continued. However, I think we can give him one last thing," Strange said, now looking at him.

"What can we give him?" Steve asked him with all his might. His heart was pounding so fast. _ I'll do anything_, he thought.

"A farewell," Strange replied.

It was sadness that conveyed Strange words and now his eyes, Steve thought.

"Tell me how to do it," Steve said determined.

"It can't be for a long time. It shouldn't be for a long time, but I can take you to the previous day," Strange replied.

"I'll go," Steve said firmly.

"You cannot tell him why you are there, but you can assure him you are there because I told you. He will understand," Strange told him.

"OK, I know what you mean," Steve said, nodding. 

"Steve, then you can come back or stay. It will always be your decision." Strange assured him.

"I know," Steve replied.

"As incredible as it may seem, you both created a different continuum. Your connection, forged with an unbreakable force, allows me to be here today," Strange told him, looking around.

"I'm prepared," Steve said with hopeful eyes.

"Let's go," Strange said, getting up. He opened a portal and the eye of Agamotto shone with its splendid green.

— — — — —

Steve was in the compound again. His heart was still beating very fast. He was in one of the rooms on the top floor. Strange had assured him it was the right place to wait. He honestly didn't know what he had to do or where he could move without being seen. He didn't even know if Friday and the cameras would be filming him, but he was confident Strange knew what he was doing. Suddenly, the door of the room opened and there he was, Tony.

"You," Tony said with a sigh. His eyes widened in amazement.

"Tony," Steve said, unable to move. He was seeing him again. He could have him in front of him again.

Neither of them could move from their places, but their eyes could not stop staring at the other. In the course of an instant their eyes went from astonishment, to sadness, to hope, to joy. All emotions contained in a second.

"Steve, what are you doing here?" Tony said short of breath.

Steve wanted to say he had come to see him. But Strange told him he should say he was on a mission he had indicated him.

"I came because I..." Steve started talking and couldn't finish because Tony had approached him so quickly to hug him.

Steve took him in his arms and buried his face in Tony neck. He could feel Tony's breath in his. They stayed like that for a few minutes, hugging each other with a force that seemed to be too much but not enough to show what they both felt. Then Tony pulled away a little to take him by the neck and speak to him.

"I thought I wouldn't see you again," Tony said, smiling with such a pleasure.

"I know. I also thought I wouldn't see you again," Steve said with a soft smile while caressing his face.

"I've missed you so much," Tony told him with melancholy in his voice.

"And I," Steve replied as he placed his forehead with Tony's.

"But why are you here?" Tony asked.

Steve sighed, he couldn't lie into his eyes. He distanced from Tony. He headed to a window from which the entire garden of the compound could be seen, and repeated the words Strange had said to him.

"Strange told me we created a different reality when we encountered in the two times we did. But in the end everything would keep the same _meaning_. However, I would have to do something, and I'm here to fulfill it," said Steve trying not to reveal anything with his words.

"Strange? When did you see Strange?" Tony asked in astonishment.

Steve turned around. "He traveled back in time as I did. He went to look for me in the past where I stayed."

“So, Strange is alive.” Tony said it out loud, but Steve could see in his gaze that his mind was working and connecting everything.

"What date did you stay?" was Tony next question for Steve surprise.

"1954" Steve said with a little shame.

"Oh, in the end you went to your time. That's great," Tony smiled.

"Yes," Steve said admiring again that smile he loved so much.

"Did you become a nurse?" Tony looked at him up and down.

Steve hadn't thought for a second about his outfit when he told Strange he would come with him. Now he also realized he was dressed in his uniform.

"Yes," said Steve smiling. "I think I hadn't noticed my clothes until now."

"Strange made you come to the races," Tony said looking at him and raising an eyebrow.

Steve knew Tony's mind worked faster than anyone he had ever known in his life.

"I trust he knows what he does," Steve said trying to get Tony to understand he couldn't say more.

"I know," Tony said. “I understand perfectly. He was a very mysterious man, but at least if you saw him it means this whole operation we are doing might work," he said expectantly.

"It will work," Steve assured him.

"Sorry for telling you the first time we couldn't travel in time," Tony said ashamed.

"Tony that doesn't matter anymore," he said approaching again.

"You had already visited me, and for some time I had been studying many theories of time, but Lang was the missing piece. I think I only did it to bother you. Hey, but in my own defense, was I who discover how to travel!" Tony told him smiling.

"Well you're a spoiled child after all," Steve said, teasing him.

"And there are things that will never change," Tony said looking at him with longing.

"Never," Steve replied in a broken voice without realizing it.

"And you know what you have to do?" Tony said looking at the floor now.

"Yes, I do," Steve replied, clearing his throat.

"One last secret mission? And I suppose you can't tell me anything and blah blah," said Tony. Now was his time to tease.

"Nope" Steve smiled.

"How did you know I usually come to this floor?" Tony asked curiously.

"I didn't know. I just arrived a moment ago. Strange told me I should wait here," Steve explained.

"Definitely, the man seems to know everything, doesn't he?" Tony said astonished.

"So it seems," Steve replied.

There was a silence between them for a few seconds until Tony spoke again.

"I must return to my house," Tony said without hiding his sadness.

"I know," Steve replied.

"Tomorrow is the mission. I hope everything goes well. Or at least as it should," Tony said trying to sound optimistic.

"It will," once again Steve assured him.

"We meet at nine to start everything and go before noon," Tony explained. "But you must know that already or I don't know how much time would have passed where you are, and maybe you have already forgotten," Tony sounded nervous now.

"Tony, I remember clearly. I haven't forgotten," Steve said looking at him with tenderness.

"I just don't know how long you'll be here or if I won't see you again. In case you wanted me to come before, and we can talk for a while. I don't know, you could tell me how your life is going. Why you're a nurse. If you have a girlfriend or boyfriend or lovers. Or if you took advantage to win the lottery having all the knowledge you know about the future. My God, you returned to the 50s!" Tony paused. "I think I should go. I feel a little frantic right now."

Steve smiled and approached him. Tony couldn't look at him in the eyes. "I'd love to see you again. I was about to ask you," Steve told him and Tony looked up.

"I'll come before then," Tony replied without looking away.

"I'll wait for you," Steve said staring at him.

Tony lost himself in his gaze, and then his eyes looked at Steve's lips for a moment as if some idea had crossed his mind. He looked down again and headed for the door. There he turned around. "I'll see you in a while," he said smiling.

"I'll wait for you," Steve repeated.

— — — — —

It was already dark, maybe it was midnight, he thought. Steve knew he shouldn't leave the room and the truth was, he thought he could live there all his life if he only knew Tony would always come for him. It seemed like a gift from the universe that this day he could be there to see him once more. If Steve thought about it, he really hadn't thanked Strange for doing this for Tony. Strange had spoken to him of an unbreakable force, but Steve could recognize those words, "_the connection that hunt us_", now had an even more special meaning.

Steve could also recognize the serenity that both his body and his mind had when he was back with Tony. He had had a 12-hour shift in a row and yet it was now that his body felt tired. As if he could relax because he had seen him again. Maybe it would be good to try to get some rest. His mind began to wander in the memories shared with Tony. The hug they had given just a few hours ago, the farm, the trip to the 1970 they were about to have...

— — — — —

Tony entered the room and saw Steve sitting with his head lining on the couch. He seemed to be asleep. _ God, how much I had missed him_. He stopped to look at him and in his mind the memories kept coming. Suddenly, a thought seemed to invade him, and Tony couldn't help but be amazed at it. Steve seemed to feel his presence and woke up.

"Coffee?" Tony told him, handing him one of the two coffees he had in his hands.

"Thank you," Steve said. "I can't believe I fell asleep. What time is it?" Steve asked astonished.

"4 am. I'm sorry. I couldn't sleep," Tony said, sitting next to him.

"No, it's fine,” Steve told him, looking at him and nodding. “I'm just surprised I fell asleep," Steve said taking a sip of the coffee.

"Were you working when Strange went looking for you?" Tony asked.

"Yes, a 12-hour shift. For the holidays, it was January 1st," said Steve explaining.

"Which year?" Tony asked curiously.

"1962," Steve replied.

"Wow you have almost a whole decade in the past and you only have a few more gray hairs? And here I look like an old man!" Tony said complaining and laughing at the same time.

"You don't look like an old man," Steve laughed. "You look great," and he felt himself blush. He tried to lift the coffee cup on his face as if that was enough to cover it.

Tony couldn't help looking at him with adoration. He loved when Steve blushed, it made that warmth reach his heart.

"I must confess this only happens to me when I am by your side," Steve said, staring at the cup in his hands. "It seems that my mind and body can finally relax."

Tony got up, and now was his turn to go and look out of the window. _ Another starry night shared_, he thought.

"While I saw you asleep there, I couldn't help remembering the first time I saw you like that in the lab," Tony said with a sigh. "God, it's been so long," he stared at the window for a few seconds. "Nevertheless, it wasn't the memories but a thought that crossed my mind what surprised me," Tony paused and took a deep breath. "I thought I could have lived a lifetime in which your face was the first thing I see when I wake up in the mornings. My astonishment was that although the images of Pepper and Morgan came to my mind, however, I could feel in my heart a strange certainty. I would also have been happy...with _ you._"

Tony felt Steve arms embracing him from behind. Steve buried his head in his neck, and Tony could feel the heat of one of Steve's tears sliding down his chest. Tony turned around, and to his own surprise, he felt how Steve gently touched his face to also wipe away a tear.

"I love you," said Tony. "I always have and always will."

They stared at each other allowing the energy to be reunited once more. Their lips were approaching very slowly, as if they wanted to stop time and live every moment million of times. They could feel their breaths. They inhaled the essence of who they were with every breath they took from the other. When theirs lips finally touched, their movements were so slow as if none of them wanted to hasten the pleasure their caresses provoked. And so, after savoring a few moments of ecstasy, their tongues touched each other welcoming bliss. It was _ a kiss _ that finally made the divinity vibrates and became life.

— — — — —

Tony was with his head on Steve's chest while his arms and legs hugged him tightly. They were lying on the couch.

"Why didn't you stay in the states? Tony asked raising his head to look at Steve.

"I wanted to start a new life in a remote place," Steve replied. "I felt if I stayed, I would repeat the story and maybe I should build a new one."

"Are you happy?" Tony asked while absently caressing his lips with his thumb.

"Yes," Steve replied, staring at Tony lovingly. "I've learned to be. It has taken me a long time to get here, but I think I finally understand Somnang's words," Steve said with a soft smile.

"Which were they?" Tony said caressing his face.

"Somnang is a monk I met in Cambodia. He taught me I should love and accept the ways of its expression. He told me it was worth living them, each one of them." Steve replied.

"That's a great lesson," Tony said, looking at him moved.

"It has been very difficult to understand him. However, moments like this make me appreciate it. We have loved each other and felt it, that's enough," Steve said.

Tony was kissing him again.

"I feel whole now," Tony said when they both needed to break the kiss to breathe. "You being here today makes everything easier...I was afraid."

"I love you," Steve said between sighs.

"I love you too," Tony said and kissed him softly.

"You know, Morgan said to me a few days ago she loved me 3000," Tony said smiling.

"Wow," Steve smiled. "I honestly don't know if I can get over that," he said, joking with him.

"No one could," Tony smiled pleased.

Now it was Steve who was caressing Tony's chin and brought their foreheads together.

"Thank you for doing this for me," Tony whispered.

Steve looked at him carefully. Tony was so smart, he never ceased to surprise him.

"Tony..." Steve tried to speak but his lips were sealed by another kiss from Tony.

In the window the sun began to rise. Once more, time was escaping from them. 

"I have to go down," Tony told him, burying his head in Steve's neck.

"I know," Steve said hugging him.

They stayed a few minutes like that, just feeling each other in the hug.

Then, Steve tenderly raised Tony's face. "Let's go."

Tony looked at him and nodded. They both rose from the sofa and headed to the door. They were already close to each other when Tony turned around.

"Everything will be fine," Tony assured Steve. Although it seemed it should be the other way around.

"I know," Steve looked at Tony and took his face again in his hands to kiss him.

"A kiss," Tony said out of breath. "It will always be more than a kiss," and he kissed Steve again bringing him closer.

"I love you, Steve," Tony said looking into his eyes for the last time.

"I love you, Tony."

One more time, a new life had been lived in just an instant. A weekend, an encounter, a night, a kiss that gave meaning to their lives.

— — — — —

_ You wanna tell me about her? _

_ No. No, I don't think I will. _

— — — — —

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics: Night and day, Billie Holiday.


End file.
